Pulling Files

Robyn: (calmly and quietly talking to a fly) "Guess what fly?.. You're a baseball." (abruptly and furiously waving a file around trying to hit it)

Encouragement

Me: (singing Aerosmith) "Dream on, dream on.."
Robyn: "YOU dream on.. cause you'll never be getting {gestures to herself and does a shimmy down her body} THIS.."

Legal Matters

{while looking at the boss' new car}
Robyn: "Oh look, here's a little compartment for storage in the trunk."
Boss: "for drugs."
Me: "What? it's for drugs?"
Boss: "Yea, it's a place for drugs."

To Do Lists

Boss:"You know what we never did? sing a doo wop song! we should do that." [five minute conversation follows about what song we should sing and 'who will sing bass?' complete with him singing examples of good songs]

Office Rules

Me (singing): I can't liiive. If livin is without you.
Robyn: Hey, let's make a rule. If you're gonna sing, don't sing homo music.

Deep Ponderings

Robyn:"Pizza in the morning pizza in the evening pizza at suppertime. when pizzas on a bagel you can have pizza anytime. thank you, thank you. [pause] why would you want pizza in the morning?"
Me:"because its on a bagel, so it's allowed. its just like having a tomato bagel."
Robyn: "its just like having a VAGINA bagel."

Problem Solving

(Robyn does something funny)
Me: " I wish i had my video camera so I could get little clips of this. But how would I know when to turn it on?"
Robyn (singing): "All times [huge burp] have it on at all times [huge throwup burp] alll times [another vommity burp] (30 seconds later) I need to change my avatar, yo."

Working Hard on Law

Robyn [feat. a kitten]:

Brainstorming for an Important Case

Robyn: "Are you giving her the hot beef injection? Are you vaccinating her against virginity?"
Me: "make up one that makes no sense.. but kinda does."
Robyn :[ thinking for a few seconds] I was trying to think of taking liquid from one area.. and squirting it on another.. i.. ugh. How about those Dolphins?"

More Healthy Eating

Me: "cottage cheese is SO GOOD!"
Robyn: "I know. That's why I like to rub it on my boobs."

Business Clients 2

Robyn singing about a client:
"R. H. youuuu
are a total retard please
dont order anything from me againnnn"

An Oldie But A Goodie

Robyn singing: "I'm an old fashioned girl with a big set of jugs and I like toooo respect attorneyyyysss.... and I'll call you Mister even ifyousay Call me Steve... and I have a biiiig set of JUUUGGGGGSSS."

Creativity

A couple of songs written by Robyn are entitled:
"Wouldnt it be cool if the USA was on a surfboard"
"I got gas"

Appreciation for Hip Hop Music 2

Robyn Rapping: "ChEk OuT aLL tHeEz PaTeNtZ ThEy MaKe mAh FiLe FaT GoTtA ThRoW eM"

Appreciation for Hip Hop Music

Robyn Rapping: LUNCH BREAK! i eatz mah dan active cuz it makez me more attractive..

Legal Secretaries Still Have Time for the Pleasantries of Life

a freestyle poem by Robyn:
"gi go gi go gi go go
it feels good to do that.
to say gi go like that."

Constructive Criticism

Robyn making fun of my secretarial phone skills:
**BOOP!!** -hi.. Boss? you have a call from.. mr. blehroobah? what? where's he from? Um.. hold on.
-Sorry, where are youfrom? um.. can you repeat that? Um.. hold on.
**BOOP!!** -Boss? its mr brearrabahbah? from texas?

Madonna is a Fine Artist

Robyn, to the tune of "Hey Mr. DJ, put a record on:"

'hey mr. dj
strap a dildo on
i wanna ram it up your poopshoot'

Coworkers Comfort Each Other

Me: "Ew.. I was eating lettuce and then I was putting it away and I saw a bug in it. Ugh, and the lettuce did feel gritty when I was eating it."
Robyn: "Oh no don't worry the grittiness was probably just that bug's babies, and you probably sifted them through your teeth and stuff and ate them."
Me: [silence]

Uncomfortable Business Interactions

Robyn playing a game on the comp.: "i smoked you like a black and mild bitch."
Me: "mmm those smell good."
Robyn:"YOU smell good.. i mean ..ew. that was weird'

The Psychology of Interpersonal Relationships

Robyn on Jessica Simpson: "I think she prob likes it in the butt, and all these guys are liek ew, i dont wanna do you in the butt"

Business Clients

Robyn:"awww patricia h. is so cute. i wanna put her in a box.. and give her hay. "

Fatherly Sensitivity in a Family Run Law Firm

Robyn:"guess what made me cry this morning?"
Boss: "a bird."

When Running A Business, People Magazine May be a Good Choice of Literature to Have in One's Office

Robyn, glancing at a People Mag headline with a similar title: "'My untold story.. by Caroline. i am stupid, and have not told anyone. the end.'"

Patent Law is Unpredictable

Robyn: "Hi! im Caroline this is my son chode o matic.. but he really prefers it if you pronounce it, [singing in a low voice] 'chodo-madic'"

Foreign Languages

Me (singing):"Sur la pont d'avignon.."
Robyn (singing): "il y a un patent japonais! je besoin un translation en englais!"
Me: "That rhymed! that was a good song!"
Robyn: "Merci."

Creative Songwriting Sometimes Helps You Through a Tough Work Day

Robyn: "suck mah balls suck mah balls youre a ho and you wanna suck my balls. get on your knees and suck my balls. suck em, balls, duh nuh nuh nuh"

On Politics

Robyn: "mah boyfriends name rhymes with.. rarack rorama."

Variations on a Childhood Song

Robyn: "how much is that penis in the window?"

Our Fine American Postal Workers

Me: "this weekend i got a manicure with warm cream"
Robyn: "here comes your bf [mailman], maybe you should tell him about the warm cream"
Sandy: "all over your body"

On Celebrity Baby Names

Robyn: "Sahara.. what kinda fag name is that"

The Fine Arts

Robyn:"mah rock band arm is fierce hurtin"

30 mins later: "ughh my rock bahnd arm, seriously.. but you shoulda seen me..reeewreeeeew"

Film Reviews

Robyn, in a valleygirl annoying chick voice, after I tell her, shut up, the SEx and the City Movie was so good:"If you say one bad thing about Carrie I swear to GOD i'll effing kill youah.."

Summer Attire

"i hate bathing suits"-me
"i prefer to call them lard display cases"-robyn

Simple Facts

[robyn farts]: "like, we're in a lawfirm. when you were hired, u were wearing a suit."

Advice on My Future Career Choices

Robyn:"omg you could do pies and porn! over here we have the berries and teh anal. And here we have girl on girl and the "fruits with pits." And lastly here we have the savories and the gays!"

On Eating Healthy

Robyn: "Who do i have to fuck to get these almonds outta here"

Compliments

Robyn:" she was just really annoying and abrasive. kinda like you."

Rules on Politeness

Me: "omg i found a Shih tzu on Petfinder named Charlie"
Robyn: "Dude don't cuss."

How to be demure

"I'm gonna laugh my tampon out"- Robyn