Difference of Opinion

Me: "Ew look at my nails they are so gross."
Robyn: "They look like a prostitute's."
Me: "My mom sometimes says, 'your nails look like a homeless person's,' and I say, 'Mom, homeless people don't have chipping manicures.'"
Robyn: "No, they look like a prostitute's nails. Like you've handled a lot of money... and a lot of dick."

Reasonable Doubt

Robyn: "Do you want some of my baklava?"
Me: "No thanks, I don't really like nuts."
Robyn: [raises eyebrows as if taken by surprise]

Variations on a Popular Song

Robyn, R&B style: "Apple bottom green JEANS! Eating fruit in the tub.."

There is No Appropriate Title for This

Robyn: "mah butt hurts."
Sandra: "It's from too much farting."
Robyn in a Paula Deen accent: "It's NOT FROM FARTIN YA'LL PEE N POOP YA'll!!!!!!!!!!"

In Psychology it's Called a Breakthrough

Me: "I used to have this lip gloss when I was little that was bubble gum flavored and I used to just eat it."
Robyn: "That explains a lot."

Corporate Gifts

Robyn made me this baby cupcake and his name is Cuppy:

Office Attire

Robyn: "Why are you so dressed up?"
Boss: "I wanted Caroline to remember me as a well-dressed boss."

Judicial System Continued

Me: "I don't understand judging. Like, if my friend says, 'omg DON'T judge me but I went to the store and I bought drugs,' like, how do you not judge that?"
Robyn: "You buy drugs at the store?"
Boss: [mumbles]
Me: "What'd he say?"
Robyn: "He was just laughing at you."
Boss: "Yeah, we're not laughing WITH you.."
Robyn: "We're laughing AT YOU."

Emotions on the Job

Me: "Ugh I hate when my lunch is almost done."

Robyn: (singing a lyrical melody) "That is the saddest news... I have ever heard.. i cant even contain my sorrow for you.. and your lunch almost being doneeee."

Optimism about the Future

Robyn in an email: "Hello all. On Thursday August 7th, we will be gathering in ------ at the ---- for Caroline's farewell lunch. Her last day at ----- will be Friday the 8th (lots of crying day) and so we'd like to all get together and eat and drink and be merry before her life turns to crap as she enters law school."