Difference of Opinion

Me: "Ew look at my nails they are so gross."
Robyn: "They look like a prostitute's."
Me: "My mom sometimes says, 'your nails look like a homeless person's,' and I say, 'Mom, homeless people don't have chipping manicures.'"
Robyn: "No, they look like a prostitute's nails. Like you've handled a lot of money... and a lot of dick."

Reasonable Doubt

Robyn: "Do you want some of my baklava?"
Me: "No thanks, I don't really like nuts."
Robyn: [raises eyebrows as if taken by surprise]

Variations on a Popular Song

Robyn, R&B style: "Apple bottom green JEANS! Eating fruit in the tub.."

There is No Appropriate Title for This

Robyn: "mah butt hurts."
Sandra: "It's from too much farting."
Robyn in a Paula Deen accent: "It's NOT FROM FARTIN YA'LL PEE N POOP YA'll!!!!!!!!!!"

In Psychology it's Called a Breakthrough

Me: "I used to have this lip gloss when I was little that was bubble gum flavored and I used to just eat it."
Robyn: "That explains a lot."

Corporate Gifts

Robyn made me this baby cupcake and his name is Cuppy:

Office Attire

Robyn: "Why are you so dressed up?"
Boss: "I wanted Caroline to remember me as a well-dressed boss."

Judicial System Continued

Me: "I don't understand judging. Like, if my friend says, 'omg DON'T judge me but I went to the store and I bought drugs,' like, how do you not judge that?"
Robyn: "You buy drugs at the store?"
Boss: [mumbles]
Me: "What'd he say?"
Robyn: "He was just laughing at you."
Boss: "Yeah, we're not laughing WITH you.."
Robyn: "We're laughing AT YOU."

Emotions on the Job

Me: "Ugh I hate when my lunch is almost done."

Robyn: (singing a lyrical melody) "That is the saddest news... I have ever heard.. i cant even contain my sorrow for you.. and your lunch almost being doneeee."

Optimism about the Future

Robyn in an email: "Hello all. On Thursday August 7th, we will be gathering in ------ at the ---- for Caroline's farewell lunch. Her last day at ----- will be Friday the 8th (lots of crying day) and so we'd like to all get together and eat and drink and be merry before her life turns to crap as she enters law school."

Gratitude

Me: "Thanks for the coffee!"
Robyn: "YOU!"

Perspective

Me: "Ugh omg there were these annoying girls at Loehmann's in the dressing room like, ' I like these shoes. Are they too New York? Hmm. I dunno if I can bring them to L.A. They are too New York! All my clothes are SO New York' and i was like OH MY GOD SHUT UP."
Robyn: "Wow. Yea. And hi, you're in Loehmann's."
Me: "Hhaha true."

Work Related Inquiries

Boss: "What I want to know, Caroline, is: is our God an awesome God?"

On Health

Boss: " I'm tired all the time and I don't know why."
Robyn: "maybe you should go to the doctor. I kind of want you to meet your grandchildren."
Boss: "You can take them to visit my grave."

Productivity

[a facebook chat convo with Robyn who is sitting 3 yards away]

Cari:IM GONNA KILL U DEAD

1:38pm Robyn: YOU

1:38pm Cari: BOP

1:38pmRobyn: I HEARD YOU LIKE TO SUCK BIG DICKS

Constructive Criticism 2

Me: [burp] "Scuse me!"
Boss: [in a little kid-ish voice] "Grossuh!"

The Judicial System

Me: "Bitch."
Robyn: [valley girl voice]: "Wow. Now I'm gonna make the rest of your summer a living hell. Like in high school. When I was popular and you were a nerd."
Sandra: [makes a face]
Robyn: "Sandra just judged me."
Me: "Judgey wudgie."
Robyn: "Judgie wudgie was a bear. Judgie wudgie had no hair."
Sandra: "What are we, in kindergarten?"
Robyn: "-Judgie wudgie was kind of a BITCH wasn't she?"

The Office is Closed for the 4th of July

Me: "Fiya cracka fiya cracka.."
Robyn: "..boom boom boom."
Me: "Whoa how'd you know that?"
Robyn: "Cause I was a cheerleader."
Me: "Oh that's what it is! A cheer.. cause-"
Robyn: "Try not to do me."
Me: "My friend was saying it all weekend and I didn't know-"
Robyn: "Please don't bone me."

Important Business Meeting

Religion

Boss: "We don't get many door to door salesmen at our house. Cept Jehova's Witnesses once in a while. And i like them."
Robyn: "What?"
Boss: "I like them! They're good! And some of them are wicked hawt."