Office Attire

Robyn: "Why are you so dressed up?"
Boss: "I wanted Caroline to remember me as a well-dressed boss."

Judicial System Continued

Me: "I don't understand judging. Like, if my friend says, 'omg DON'T judge me but I went to the store and I bought drugs,' like, how do you not judge that?"
Robyn: "You buy drugs at the store?"
Boss: [mumbles]
Me: "What'd he say?"
Robyn: "He was just laughing at you."
Boss: "Yeah, we're not laughing WITH you.."
Robyn: "We're laughing AT YOU."

Emotions on the Job

Me: "Ugh I hate when my lunch is almost done."

Robyn: (singing a lyrical melody) "That is the saddest news... I have ever heard.. i cant even contain my sorrow for you.. and your lunch almost being doneeee."

Optimism about the Future

Robyn in an email: "Hello all. On Thursday August 7th, we will be gathering in ------ at the ---- for Caroline's farewell lunch. Her last day at ----- will be Friday the 8th (lots of crying day) and so we'd like to all get together and eat and drink and be merry before her life turns to crap as she enters law school."

Gratitude

Me: "Thanks for the coffee!"
Robyn: "YOU!"

Perspective

Me: "Ugh omg there were these annoying girls at Loehmann's in the dressing room like, ' I like these shoes. Are they too New York? Hmm. I dunno if I can bring them to L.A. They are too New York! All my clothes are SO New York' and i was like OH MY GOD SHUT UP."
Robyn: "Wow. Yea. And hi, you're in Loehmann's."
Me: "Hhaha true."

Work Related Inquiries

Boss: "What I want to know, Caroline, is: is our God an awesome God?"

On Health

Boss: " I'm tired all the time and I don't know why."
Robyn: "maybe you should go to the doctor. I kind of want you to meet your grandchildren."
Boss: "You can take them to visit my grave."

Productivity

[a facebook chat convo with Robyn who is sitting 3 yards away]

Cari:IM GONNA KILL U DEAD

1:38pm Robyn: YOU

1:38pm Cari: BOP

1:38pmRobyn: I HEARD YOU LIKE TO SUCK BIG DICKS

Constructive Criticism 2

Me: [burp] "Scuse me!"
Boss: [in a little kid-ish voice] "Grossuh!"

The Judicial System

Me: "Bitch."
Robyn: [valley girl voice]: "Wow. Now I'm gonna make the rest of your summer a living hell. Like in high school. When I was popular and you were a nerd."
Sandra: [makes a face]
Robyn: "Sandra just judged me."
Me: "Judgey wudgie."
Robyn: "Judgie wudgie was a bear. Judgie wudgie had no hair."
Sandra: "What are we, in kindergarten?"
Robyn: "-Judgie wudgie was kind of a BITCH wasn't she?"

The Office is Closed for the 4th of July

Me: "Fiya cracka fiya cracka.."
Robyn: "..boom boom boom."
Me: "Whoa how'd you know that?"
Robyn: "Cause I was a cheerleader."
Me: "Oh that's what it is! A cheer.. cause-"
Robyn: "Try not to do me."
Me: "My friend was saying it all weekend and I didn't know-"
Robyn: "Please don't bone me."

Important Business Meeting

Religion

Boss: "We don't get many door to door salesmen at our house. Cept Jehova's Witnesses once in a while. And i like them."
Robyn: "What?"
Boss: "I like them! They're good! And some of them are wicked hawt."

Unwanted Solicitors

Robyn: "ugh, here come solicitors. They're selling paintings or something. In a big box.
Solicitors: "Hi! The people upstairs said we should come down and ask you-"
Robyn and Sandra: "We're not interested.."
Boss [from behind his wall where his desk is] : "GO AWAY!"
[awkward silence]
Robyn: "Um..... hehe.. we're not interested.

-30 mins later-

Robyn: "Don't yell things out from behind the wall next time! That was embarassing!"
Me : "Next time just yell something random from behind the wall, so they get confused. Like, BlaHRahhaho!!!"
Boss: "JABBERWOCKY!!!!"

Office Rules 2

Robyn: "Sandra, let's make a rule. Next time we hire someone, don't hire a DOUCHE."
(referring to me)

The Correct Way to Ask for a Favor from an Employee

Robyn: "Did you get coffee?"
Boss: "No, I didn't get coffee!"
Robyn:"Would you like some?"
Boss: [in a little boy manner] "Yea!"
Robyn: [pause] "Oh, you wanted me to get it for you?"
Boss: "Noooo I would neeever ask you to dooo something for me."

Freestyle Song Writing

Robyn [singing]: "Went upon a journey went upon a journey, the fattest girl in the whole wide world. Went apon a journey and ate a lot of cheeseteaks, the fattest girl in the whole wide world."

Reflections on Employment

Robyn [pretending to be me]:"I work in a law firm with a man and his daughter. They're very professional, and talk to me about being professional. When robyn said, 'suck my balls, suck my balls, you're a ho' , I knew that I watned to go to law school. Maybe one day, someone will suck my balls."

Listening Skills

Me: "All i wanna do is work on this website but i can't."

Robyn: "All i wanna do is zoomzoomazoom zoom and a boom boom."

Undergraduate Degrees 2

Robyn: "Are those your dishes in the sink?"
Me: "Oh yea, I need to clean them."
Robyn: "Ugh, college."

Hopes and Dreams

My friend trying to visualize Robyn: "ok so i have been reading ur blog. i am visualizing a crazy black woman OR a hippyish white lady"

[I told Robyn and she said "YES." to the crazy black lady comment]

Professional Office Memos From Robyn

Office Romance

Robyn: "This Triscuit box is brand new, and the cheese is really nice, and everytime i reach for a new cracker my heart skips a beat."

Undergraduate Degrees

Me: "Ugh. Now I just want cereal so bad."
Robyn: "You're SO collegey. Only college people want cereal."
Me: "What?"
Robyn: "That's like what college people do. Like, 'I just wish I was studying with bare feet on a desk, with an open book and bowl after bowl of cereal. Hey! Let's go hang out with that drunk guy in that room with cereal. SO college. This cereal would taste so much better with an open book. Hey Suzie, whatcha doin tonight? Oh just got some mushrooms and two boxes of Cheerios."

Thoughts on Nutrition

Me:"Mmm, don't you want Golden Grahams and whole milk right now?"
Robyn: "ew.. barf. whole milk? Ew why don't you just get under a cow? that's like drinking cottage cheese water. That's like taking water, a block of cheddar, and human being and grinding it up (makes stifled barf noise)"

Appropriate Ways to Compliment an Employee

Boss: " you look skinny."
Me: "Thanks! I lost weight!"
Boss: " I liked you fat."